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Spiritual PTSD

Spiritual PTSD

PTSD = Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is an anxiety disorder. It can occur after you have gone through an extreme emotional trauma that involved the threat of injury or death. It can occur after a traumatic event like war, battle, assault or disaster.

When men and women are in the armed service they go from their normal life into a very intense situation of battle. Their bodies go through trauma and their minds can’t quite wrap around some of the things they see & have to do. Their heart tells them to fight harder because they are protecting their loved ones & they feel that their victories are not just for themselves but for everyone they are fighting to protect, but when the battle is done & they attempt to go back to their prior lives, they never seem to “fit” again. Their family & friends expect them to go back to life as usual & at times get upset with them and even reject them because they can’t. The family and friends don’t understand that their thought pattern is different and their heart is different. Their outlook on life & other people is different. Their hate for the enemy and evil that threatens the ones they are called to protect is greater than ever & has become a part of them, so when they return home & everyone expects them to be their “old self” they try but they never feel satisfied with just “normal” life ever again. Business as usual doesn’t work for them anymore. A part of them is always on the lookout, always aware of the enemy. They can feel when evil is around. They are forever a warrior on guard to protect the ones they are called to protect & fight the evil among us. Once they are called & set aside as a warrior, these few, special, select men & women are always warriors. Their life, heart, mind, emotions & outlooks are never the same.

Just like these select few warriors are set aside & conditioned for physical battle, God has called a select, special few to spiritual battle. This call begins with a great desire for the things of God. He will start with basic training. He helps these people grow & stretch their faith, just like physical soldiers are pushed to grow & stretch their physical strength. God births a desire in us to pray & as He answers our prayers our faith grows. Just as physical soldiers build their muscles, we build our spiritual muscles & when we are ready God calls us up to battle. Just like God had David in training with the Lion and the Bear before he went to battle with Goliath. When He calls us to battle the presence of God surrounds us & He uses us as the vessel He has created us to be. His healing, His power, His love, His words, His voice, His life, His strength & His anointing flows through us & for a brief moment we are in the thick of the battle & we are changed forever. It’s like your whole body, mind, soul & spirit are alive & on fire with His presence & His anointing. You hear His voice & speak with authority that is not your own, but that comes from the King himself. Your voice is alive with His words & your mind is full of His thoughts. You see with His eyes & you are given discerning of spirits so the enemy becomes very clear to you. Your thought pattern, your awareness of the enemy and his plots and plans is heightened. You see things & become aware of things that you never paid attention to before. Needless to say, when you come out of a spiritual battle you are never the same. You long for the depths of the relationship with God that is found in the midst of the battle. It becomes a part of you. Just as physical soldiers that fight in battle together become brothers, we become yoked with God in the midst of battle. That bond becomes a part of you. That relationship that is formed becomes not just a way of life but it becomes a part of who you are. A love relationship between you & God is formed. He becomes part of you and you become part of Him. You become one mind & one flesh if you will. 

Spiritual warfare & intercessory prayer are special gifts given to a chosen few who are called to be warriors in the army of the Lord Jesus Christ. People who are called to be intercessory prayer warriors go through battles that are sometimes very personal to them, but every battle affects them deeply no matter the circumstances. We fight for our loved ones & ourselves. But when these battles are over & things get quiet we, like physical soldiers, can’t come back to “normal” life. We are stuck in battle mode & become tired, angry and frustrated when we can’t bring things back to what the world calls “normal”. We don’t fit in where we used to fit. We don’t feel right around worldly people and situations. We hate sin & evil with a stronger passion than most. Yet when the battle is not raging we oft times seek to fill the void & try to quiet the war cries of battle that rage in our minds with worldly past times (TV, shopping, internet, etc) to ease the pain, shock & devastation of battle or as the world call it, the PTSD of battle. Physical soldiers never fit back into their “old life” & often get frustrated with themselves because they don’t fit & they spend the rest of their lives trying to find that rush of battle & they are always on high alert because that is who they are now. This puts stress on their bodies, minds and emotions which sometimes cause them to “act out” of sorts because the least little thing triggers something in them that takes their minds back to the battle & they don’t know how to cope with it so they lash out or isolate themselves to avoid the pain of rejection. They feel unfulfilled because they are not walking in the full calling of who they are NOW, not who they used to be, and they can never be that person they used to be again because they are forever changed by the battle or role they were called to and walked in for however long. They become frustrated with themselves and life in general because they are misunderstood and they just don’t “fit in”... This is what the world calls PTSD. The same thing happens to intercessory prayer warriors. We wake up in the middle of the night with the power of God all over us & know it’s time to pray (go to battle). As we yield to the call of the Holy Ghost and begin to pray He takes over & when He is finished the urge to pray lifts just as quickly as it came & we are left feeling excited & full from the battle but when it is done we find it hard to fit in. We find it hard to walk our “normal” walk of daily life (job, kids, shopping, cleaning, etc.) Nothing fulfills us like the white, hot fire of the Holy Ghost flowing through us and we seek after that fire all the time therefore we don’t “fit” in “normal” life. Our conversation is different, our outlook is different, our hearts & minds are different. WE are transformed into HIS image and His likeness more and more with each battle & experience he brings us to and through. Just sitting on the pew being a good little Pentecostal will not fill that void. Things of the world don’t fill the void & when we are not in the battle or in the presence of our King we constantly long for it and often become frustrated when we can’t reach that level of His presence that we want. We are different. We are called out. A peculiar people chosen for God’s purpose to hold a position in His army & we don’t “fit” in this world anymore. We only “fit” in the spot He has called us to fill. Sometimes the trauma of the battle and the fact that we try to fit where we don’t belong can cause us to feel frustrated much like physical soldiers. We get angry, frustrated, feel pain & anxiety. The enemy constantly speaks to us telling us we are different and no one likes us. They attacks never stop in our minds because the enemy tries to shut down & destroy the fight in us. In other words when we are not walking in our full calling as warriors we suffer from spiritual PTSD. The world rejects us because they don’t understand us, and worse than that, sometimes other church people reject us because they don’t understand the depth of what we seek and say things like “it don’t take all that.” Or “oh, she is just emotional or showing out to be seen.” But they don’t understand that once you have been in the presence of God and become yoked with him in the midst of battle you long for that closeness and will do whatever it takes to get there again. We are forever changed and will not be able to feel true satisfaction as just a good saint and this puts stress on our bodies, minds and emotions which sometimes cause us to “act out” of sorts because the least little thing triggers something in us that takes their minds back to the battle & we don’t know how to cope with it so we lash out. We feel unfulfilled because we are not walking in the full calling of what we are NOW, not who we used to be, and we can never be that person we used to be again because we are forever changed by the battle or role we are called to and walked in for however long we are allowed to walk in it. Just like physical soldiers never fit back in their “old lives” because they were called to a higher calling of battle & often suffer from PTSD, we as prayer warriors don’t fit in our “old lives” because we are called to a higher calling. And when we try to force ourselves to fit into a spot we no longer belong in it causes trauma & a post-traumatic stress disorder reaction. 

In the natural PTSD is traumatic & life changing, but I woke this morning with this on my mind regarding spiritual PTSD… in the world of a prayer warrior PTSD doesn’t have to mean post-traumatic stress disorder. We as spiritual soldiers, prayer warriors, intercessory prayer warriors or whatever calling you have been called to can view PTSD as this…


Prepared To Subdue Demons”


People Trained to Subdue Demons”

We don’t have to live frustrated… we just need to recognize our battles and fight them to the fullest. When we stop trying to “fit” in this world and realize we are in this world but not of this world, that opens the doors for God to use us more freely because we are less stressed and frustrated from trying to fit where we don’t belong. When we yield to the Holy Ghost and throw up our hands saying in faith, “Lord let your will be done.” Our lives become easier because we know that no matter what comes or goes He is our King and will direct our steps. 

Just like it says in Hebrews 11: 32-34:

32 And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets:

33 Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions.

34 Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens.

They had victory through the battles they faced by their faith in God. We must learn to do the same. 

We must do as it says in Proverbs 3: 5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Once we get that understanding that we are not alone and we are not called to “fit” in this world, our lives become easier. So today I ask you to look beyond the hurt and pain of feeling like you don’t “fit” in with the things and people of your “old life”… because like it says in 2 Cor 5:17

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

When we are made new in HIM and called to a higher calling than we were originally walking in… we become a new creature in Christ. We will never “fit” anywhere except in Him. This is not a bad thing. For when we are in Him we are safe. There is life and life more abundantly in Him. We have to learn to look past what we left behind and see the future of the honor of being a called out, blessed Soldier, a warrior in the Army of The Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that you find peace and find your place in Him. I also pray that you let go of the tricks of the enemy that tells you that you don’t “fit”. Just see it this way… after you sore with eagles you will never fit in the chicken coop again… Walk in what you are called to do. Don’t run from your calling no matter what it is (Pastor, Preacher, Teacher, Apostle, Prophet, servant, door holder for Jesus, healer, one who shows compassion to the hurting, etc) … Walk in your true calling, because running from God is like running in place… You just tire yourself out, get frustrated and when you stop running, He is still right there with you…

Be blessed by friends, sisters & brothers.

I love you all…

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